I ask myself, is it possible to live life in the manner that Anita Moorjani describes without having such a powerful transformational experience? As long as I think that question, accept that thought, it seems true. My self-doubts, self-criticisms, the acceptance of my limitations confirm the sense that it is not possible without a mind-blowing experience. But let’s check it out. Anita writes, “To access this state of allowing, the only thing I had to do was be myself! I realized that all those years, all I ever had to do was be myself, without judgment or feeling that I was flawed. At the same time, I understood that at the core, our essence is made of pure love. We are pure love—every single one of us. How can we not be, if we come from the Whole and return to it? I knew that realizing this meant never being afraid of who we are. Therefore, being love and being our true self is one and the same thing!”

To be oneself? Who else could you be? Thinking “I am flawed if I live life as I am” is a thought or judgment from past experience. Anita realized that our essence is pure love. This realization is there for each of us if we see, as she did, that we come from the Whole and return to it. No need to come from a place of feeling that we are limited and flawed. Being oneself (who else?) is being of the Whole (Oneness).

Believing otherwise is based upon fear. During her NDE Anita released the fear and discovered her healing. “The deep release I mentioned earlier that took me to the NDE was actually my intellect completely letting go, taking my self-limiting beliefs with it and allowing universal energy to take over. Once my mind got out of the way, the floodgates opened. Instead of fighting against the nature of the universe in order to heal, I allowed chi (energy) to flow on its own terms.” It is this surrendering to the way things are that moves us beyond fear. Resistance creates suffering.

More on surrendering: “In the moment that I completely let go of my strong desire to stay alive, I experienced death. And in dying, I realized that it wasn’t my time. When I was willing to let go of what I wanted, I received what was truly mine. I’ve realized that the latter is always the greater gift… My sense is that the very act of needing certainty is a hindrance to experiencing greater levels of awareness. In contrast, the process of letting go and releasing all attachment to any belief or outcome is cathartic and healing. The dichotomy is that for true healing to occur, I must let go of the need to be healed and just enjoy and trust in the ride that is life.”

I have experienced this at different moments, in different ways that have felt truly liberating. The impulse to return to the need for control, to be in charge, to know how it will turn out is seen to be motivated by fear, fueled by self-doubts. Anita asserts that “the answer is simpler than it seems, and it’s one of the best-kept secrets of our time: the importance of self-love…. When I was in the NDE state, it all became so clear to me because I understood that to be me is to be love. This is the lesson that saved my life.”

Self-love seems problematic, especially for me, as I am not as focused on others’ needs as Anita admits. “Being love also means being aware of the importance of nurturing my own soul, taking care of my own needs, and not putting myself last all the time. This allows me to be true to myself at all times and to treat myself with total respect and kindness. It also lets me view what may be interpreted as imperfections and mistakes with no judgment, seeing only opportunities to experience and to learn with unconditional love.” For me this feels like self-acceptance without judgment, just as I am. But is important that this acceptance comes from a place of love for self and others, the big Self. Otherwise it could be interpreted as license to be egotistically narcissistic.

“I finally understood that it was me I hadn’t forgiven, not other people. I was the one who was judging me, whom I’d forsaken, and whom I didn’t love enough.” When Anita released her sense of self-limitation she experienced her true spirit shining through. “I’ve found that subsequent to my NDE, I’m at my strongest when I’m able to let go, when I suspend my beliefs as well as disbeliefs, and leave myself open to all possibilities.”

Anita asserts that she lives her life from joy instead of fear. Is that a possibility for me? Surrendering seems to be key. Accepting what arises and responding with open heart and open mind. Have hope for the future but not be tied to outcome. Seems challenging, but only when you think about it. Living life, being oneself, keeping a positive outlook and taking one day at a time without worry or fear is possible when being fully in the present.

She also distinguishes between “being” (who you are) and “doing” (trying). “I have discovered that to determine whether my actions stem from “doing” or “being,” I only need to look at the emotion behind my everyday decisions. Is it fear, or is it passion? If everything I do each day is driven by passion and a zest for living, then I’m “being,” but if my actions are a result of fear, then I’m in “doing” mode.” “Even when I choose to eat healthfully, I do so out of love instead of fear.”

Getting the cancer diagnosis for me was a huge wake-up call. There was tremendous resistance on the way to accepting it and in a way I have not fully accepted it even now. Allowing, surrendering, accepting seems the healthiest response. After her NDE, Anita realized the power of letting go and allowing what is happening to occur. “The state of pure allowing seems like the place where most positive change can occur. Let yourself be you, no matter who you are, embracing anything that makes you feel alive.” Letting go, being free from fear and expectations is the way to allowing the Self to arise.

“At this point, I’ve replaced forgiveness with empathy, unconditional love, and compassion—for myself and for others…. Being true to ourselves is more important than just trying to stay positive!… We already are what we spend our lives trying to attain, but we just don’t realize it!… Remind everyone close to you to be themselves, and tell them that you love them just the way they are! They’re perfect and so are you. There’s nothing not to love. Most suffering stems from feeling “less than.” You aren’t less than anything or anyone! You are complete.”